I had a few rough moments last week. And some highlights.

Tuesday was an exceptional sunset. I looked up from my computer and realized I had just enough time to see it over the ocean. I arrived at Twin Lakes beach just as the golden sun was washing across the clouds.

As I stood alone on the beach, I observed people respecting distance and also smiling hello. Someone asked if I’d heard that the beaches were closing for a week.

My mood immediately plummeted.

Throughout these past few weeks, time in nature has been one of the most well-filling parts of my day. I’ve been avoiding trails (harder to keep distance when passing someone), but have been escaping to the beach a few times a week.

Learning that wouldn’t be possible hit me hard.

The sun cast bits of gold, rose, purple, and gray into the sky. As the light faded towards dusk, I considered heading home. Instead, I turned at a faster pace and walked east. Slowly, the full moon rose in the sky.

Remembering back to that moment lifts my heart.

In the days that followed, I felt myself pulled toward my cell phone and social media. As I was escaping online, I also noticed how I was feeling tired and “out of it”.

It got me thinking about activities that soothe or numb.

In my sadness and anger, I was reaching toward numbing with the scroll. It wasn’t helping.

I sat down and pulled out my journal. I wrote out what it feels like when I do something that is numbing. Here is my list:

Tired or exhausted
Irritable & impatient
Reactive
Temporarily feel better, but it doesn’t last
A high, followed by a crash
Depressed & defeated
Apathy & lack of interest
Shame

I then wrote down what I was wanting to feel, which is more nourished or soothed:

Ease & goodwill
Rested & Energized
Inspired & creative
Wonder, awe, & gratitude
Contentment with self & others
Present with current experience, even if its uncomfortable
Patience with self & others

I thought of five activities I can do instead of getting on social media:

Read a book
Write in my journal
Yoga & SATYA
Go for a walk
Weed my garden

I’m happy to say I’ve been focusing more on this list of five. I pulled more weeds, read the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown, wrote in my journal, did a yoga class with Tias Little, and went for a walk in my neighborhood.

I still checked my phone and found myself scrolling (a lot). But having this clear list of alternatives helped me change tasks when I noticed myself feeling numb.

The Spectrum of Soothing <—> Numbing

I think of soothing <—> numbing as existing on a spectrum. Each of us has different activities on that spectrum that work for us. (There is no right way to soothe). Slow, quiet actions can be soothing. Vigorous, swift actions can be soothing. It all depends on who we are, and what is happening on any given day.

“Naming and identifying the difference between numbing and soothing activities in my life reduces shame and guilt I feel around numbing activities. I acknowledge that I turned to something that numbed me out because I was overwhelmed. It’s a clue to me that I need to be easy on myself and lower my expectations.”

I’ve been noticing that numbing actions bring about more depression, anxiety, and uncertainty for me. I feel shame and guilt when I’ve been drawn into them.

Naming and identifying the difference between numbing and soothing activities in my life reduces shame and guilt I feel around numbing activities.

I acknowledge that I turned to something that numbed me out because I was overwhelmed. It’s a clue to me that I need to be easy on myself and lower my expectations. It’s time to cancel commitments and reach out to the friends and activities that help “hold my hand” and sit with me when times are tough.

I’m curious, what is your list of five soothing activities?

Take a few minutes to write your list. Put it somewhere you can see it and be inspired by it. Add it to the comments below to share and inspire others.

This coming week will still have hard moments. Probably some beautiful ones as well. As I shared a few weeks ago, It’s ok to NOT be ok.

When you don't feel ok, go to your list and soothe yourself with the activities that help you fill your well and build your resources.